Beards: The Power to Change History
Lots of people would say that the beard is highly overrated. Well, they can think what they want to think. We, the honorable brotherhood of beards, do not touch those who refuse to share our beliefs (unless of course, they behave themselves and talk with honor about our facial treasures). Wanna know why? Well, sit back in your chair, relax, grab an ax and put your hand on your beard cause it looks like we are going to have a beard history lesson. Unlike a regular history lesson, this one is really awesome. Also, it uses the word “beard” like 50 times which already makes it a great story.
Beard Shows Courage
The life of brave warriors in the times of Alexander the Great aka Alexander III of Macedon was not easy. Unlike today, they had no guns and fought in close combat only. Together with great health and powerful fighting skills, those tough times also required them to be brave and loyal. But, being a human, you can’t predict everything, especially when thousands of people are involved in bloody massacres. That is why Alexander the Great asked his warriors to shave their beards because during the fight those facial treasures could have been used against warriors themselves. I think we have to forgive Alexander for being such a strict ruler but he put his soldiers’ lives over the beards and that is the only excuse that can save a person from angry beard revenge. However, Alexander was kind enough to let his warriors leave their long hair and we all know that the long hair is also called the back-head beard. So, things were not as bad as they seemed to be. Also, long hair on soldiers meant two things: first – that they are great warriors and second – that they won’t let anyone pass and kill them from behind.
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Beard Shows Wisdom
Ok, I will start calling names and all you have to do is to shout “beard” every time you recognize a person. So… Socrates, Aristotle, Hadrian. Do you know what these fellows had in common? Of course you know because you just screamed their special something three times in a row. Socrates, Aristotle, Hadrian and lots of other philosophers had a beard. Back in the day’s beards were regarded as emblems of wisdom and all philosophers used to wear them. Also, it was easy to identify a smart person in the crowd. All you had to do was to watch the beard and follow it. Pretty simple, right?
Beards of Gold?!
Ancient Egyptians used to be pretty strange but smart guys. They knew how to build pyramids, they surely knew how to make mummies but they also were really great in wearing cool, golden beards. Rich and famous Egyptians (like pharaohs and their friends) used to paint their beards with gold! Those who had some problems with their facial hair, but still wanted to fit in and look great sported false metal beards as a symbol of sovereignty. We don’t do that nowadays because it is a lot healthier to compliment your beard with beard oil which is basically liquid gold.
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Beard Suites Presidents
Can you imagine Abraham Lincoln without a beard? Neither can I. Though, there was a little girl who saw Mr. Lincoln before his presidential career and gave him a piece of advice. When Abraham Lincoln was running for elections to become a president, he received a letter from a young 11-year-old Grace Bedell. She complimented the future president on his shaving traditions but asked to grow a beard because back in those times ladies were into beards. I guess you know what happened next. That is why we can say that yes he became president because of his political beliefs, but another reason Lincoln had success was the greatness of his beard. Now I’m thinking I might grow my beard a bit bigger if it will help my chances at becoming president.
Beard Breeds Jealousy
Unfortunately, there was one man who was not into facial hair and despite the nickname “The Great,” his attitude to beards was not great at all. Yes, I am talking about the Russian ruler Peter the Great (aka Peter I). Despite long and wavy beard traditions in Russia, Peter the Great (or as I call him – the Beard-Hater) forced people who had beards to either shave their faces or pay taxes for wearing them. Those people who had some financial problems were forced to lose their manliness but those who had some gold dancing in their pockets usually agreed to pay 100 Rubles a year to look cool and handsome. Some sources claim that Peter the Beard Hater wanted to get his country closer to Europe in such a beard issue way but others say that he had a problem of growing his own beard. I do not want to point fingers but it feels like Peter the Great was jealous about others having gorgeous beards without being able to grow one for himself.
Beard Shows Innocence
We won’t dive deep into the story standing behind Thomas More. Let’s just say that he was a very smart and religious person. Unfortunately, his true beliefs didn’t save him from being beheaded in 1535. After all, if you say something to a king that he does not want to hear, bad things might happen. Never the less, Thomas More left to the other worlds with his beard up high. Before Thomas lost his head, he moved his lengthy gorgeous beard aside and said that it (the beard) “had never committed any treason” and should not be punished for nothing. Also, this was the first time a beard had won a case and was protected by a real lawyer (yeah, Thomas More was a lawyer too).
Now you see that beards also have their history and like it or not – you are a part of it. It’s a great honor to wear a beard because it shows the people around that you are brave and smart. If not the beard, Abraham Lincoln would not have become president of the United States and Beard knows where would we be now if not the bearded warriors. Treat your beard with respect and make her feel proud for growing on your face. Long live the Beard!
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